Winds

  

I can use my voice

but what if no one understands

what I am saying
I can use my body

but what if no one understands

what I mean
What if I don’t understand

the language of the land

or the people I meet
I will be stranded

alone on an island
I understand tears

I cry with the woman next to me

thankful that she dares to share

tears, the language without borders

relief for emotions and pain
I’d like to move on

to learn about woman and man as humans

how to not be islands in the world
I’d like to be still

to let my mind catch up

with what I learn
I sit in silence

with the wind howling outside

perhaps letting new ideas sweep in

Living in a society where I am free to share my views of life

coffee with reflection

Days and weeks have passed since Paris.

The numb feeling of loss of freedom of living the way we are used to and the way we choose is slowly fading, but still not forgotten.

Something is trying to dictate our emotions and actions. I am trying to avoid being dictated.

I look around me, in my society and see all the good things, about people being seen and heard and respected in good ways. Actions being made out of common sense and using the science and technology we know of. A society of people striving forward, the human race developing the best qualities we have and encouraging ways to grow.

I will make a point in maintaining positive thoughts in my mind.

Despite my intention, words of fear arrived in my mind the day after Paris. I haven’t been able to put them in perspective until today. Now I know that once we have realized that the method of dictation is fear the only way we could fight back is by not thinking that way.

Fire 

Burning fire flying
nothing safe
fear of dying
method of rape
of freedom of living
the independent way

Those words needed to be relieved and as a method of defense. Trying to clarify what had happened. But I also believe we could, instead of using words of fear, choose the way we are thinking in a powerful way

Energy

There is a great source of energy
with endless supply of useful words
I let the words appear and bounce around
in my open mind
I pick one up, mentally
touching, smelling, tasting,
wondering where to put it
and what to do with it
Gracefully, gratefully
I am allowed to use it
to place it together with other words
making them said or written in a possible way
free to express my liberated mind

I am constantly praying for the aim of everybody on this planet to find peace and love.

I wish you a peaceful and loving day.

Lotta

 

 

Words

grenar

Would there be stars
sprinkled over the sky

Would there be waves
covering the sea

Would there be leaves
spread on the autumn floor

If there were no words,
explaining it to us

Would there be words not broken, but healing
Would there be words not of darkness but of white light
Would there be words not of fear, but of power and strength

If we do not choose to use them

Lotta

Ready for Autumn?

kastanjegrupp

Well I’m trying to settle in for Autumn.

Closing the door to the garden.

Wearing socks and scarf and extra pullover.

It’s not comfortable, but it is a familiar feeling, which I keep forgetting about, each year.

The English papers have been organized:

organized

My back and arms are healing. And oldest daughter and I just started an evening course in drawing and painting, very inspiring. First assignment was fast-drawing winter landscapes:)

winter2

And apart from that I have an idea about another painting, just a rough sketch right now:

draft

I’m not quite sure where it will end, in the end.

Now I must go back to studying Arthurian literature from 1138-2000:)

I wish you a wonderful day

Lotta

English

behind

I am behind.

But I am finally back on track.

These last weeks, right when my English course started, I’ve had serious back problems after a Saturday with fencing in the garden. The treatment consisted in massage and reflexology with extreme fatigue as a result. Apart from not being able to sit on a chair, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I could only rest, and thanking Netflix for “Elementary”

An interesting side effect of the massage was the impact on my mind. So many memories were held in the firm grips of my muscles and when they were forced to let go I was flooded by all kind of emotions.

Thanks to the treatment the pain in my back and my arms faded away, and I could move again more easily, but now the problem was my mind. So many dark thoughts from my past had turned up to the surface again. I sensed it wasn’t really my current status but never the less the darkness was clouding my view.

I realized it when I stood at my easel with a painting I thought would be a house in a garden with a forest by the sea:

grått

I woke up, “what am I doing?”

I’ve learned about alchemy of the mind. You can do that with nightmares for instance. You turn the events from what you think is bad to what you think is good.

I looked around me for other colors:

rosa

I felt a whole lot better.

But still I knew I could not walk around like this. I had studies I wanted to start with. A family I wanted to be with. One morning when things were really bad I texted a friend, asked if she could send me healing, she has a really good way with that, she asked me to come over in person. In her healing room, with the candle lit, things were set right again. Afterwards I could feel happy again.

I’m telling this story in case anyone could benefit from it. The struggle with depression is a really hard one. I’m truly grateful for each day that passes without those clouds. Only someone who’s been there could possibly know how hard it is.

Thanks to this experience I believe I have started another kind of healing, on a deeper level. There are things we are better off to let go of, but the process could be difficult and we are very wise to get help when we need it. Some things are actually too hard to do on our own.

When your mind tells you that you need help, you could also very well get the answer from within about who to reach out to, trust that first thought about a person, a friend, a relative you believe in and feel comfortable with and send them a message. Or if it is better for you to seek professional help.

And always remember:

You are very loved!

Lotta

Sleeping

Bat! med logan

Bats are very good at finding a hidden, safe place where they could stay when they are asleep. Not all animals can do that. Some are standing up, nodding from time to time, but always ready to escape if danger comes too close.

Maybe we could look at the bats and see what we can do to make our own sleeping place truly restful.

When we are sleeping our mind has a chance to catch up with ourselves. Without interruptions. And we have a chance to find out what we want to tell us.

A very wise dream healer I listened to said:

Our dreams are gifts from you, to you, about you – Louise Minerva-Li

Stay in the moment when you wake up. Try to recall what you experienced, your thoughts, emotions.

Perhaps write them down.

Let your dreams help you.

When the bats have had their rest they are very good at finding their ways, even in total darkness.

So we are grateful for what nature shows us.

And we are gentle with nature and ourselves.

This is the link to Louise Minerva-Li

I wish you peace, in night dream or day dream.

Lotta

Transformations

I thought about changes, transformations.

A lot has changed during the months I haven’t been writing here.

Interesting changes. Liberating.

I have come to learn how changes may heal, how healing helps us to grow, how growing helps us to live.

I am grateful to life for leading me to where I am supposed to be.

So I have changed theme of the page, again, (I really enjoy doing that). I have a million things and thoughts I want to share here.  I have lost my passion for photographing (for now at least) and replaced it with painting and sketching. And I recalled a poem about transformation I wrote some time ago, but I called it Reshapings then:

The coffee is good
strong and hot
I don’t always
feel strong
and not always
hot any more

Because
life changes
with time
new passages
reshaping
old wounds
healed
some things
understandable
some things
not

So
I follow along
in life
enjoying my
coffee
my day
people I meet
my thoughts of joy
this is the plan
for my stay

Still
all is forgiven
when life passes
broken body
unhurt again
unsettled mind
finding peace
life IS
a beautiful
place
to be

 

I would really love to see us all helping each other to find the best way to live together. Reaching out to see and listen to those who are lonely and don’t find the lights in life. Using our own light, our experiences and our tools to help. Every glimmer of hope counts.

I wish you a light and bright day today

Love

Lotta

All lovers before us

orkide röd vägg

All lovers before us, were we
those we have been, those we will be
only recognition I share
of all the reasons I don’t care.

All lovers before us, were we
eternity transformed in me
knowing you from long before this
the power in our healing kiss

All lovers before us, were we
the light ahead is clear to see
and you are my eternal choice
the sound of love in breathing voice

All lovers before us, were we
despite all, my love is still free
my choice is loving you once more
this is what my eternity is for

Lotta

Cuddling oblivion

regn i skogen

Poem of the day

Who burst into tears at St Patrick's parade
 When cheering and laughing were high
 all around
 where unsupporting crowd felt
 scary and dumb and
 the soul was as empty as hollow
Who stood there staring with
 unwilling eyes escapeless
 of space and emotions,
 no one to hold on to not one
 single person coldcovered shoulders
 unheld and not wanted
Who did she see, what caused the action
 What made the beer be useless and foreign
 and cheering and laughter absent and queer
I should have been braver and rushed,
 an aider to hold her and tell her
 all will be fine, no bloke is worth it or
 other lies as a friend would do in
 a matter like this.
 But cowarding feet stood like
 concrete on ground
 unmovable motionless traitors of heart
Instead I moved on and found
 attentive arms embracing the view
 of sadness away and cuddling
 oblivion to my heart as a grace
 of comfort, but not
 for her.

Lotta