I am behind.

But I am finally back on track.

These last weeks, right when my English course started, I’ve had serious back problems after a Saturday with fencing in the garden. The treatment consisted in massage and reflexology with extreme fatigue as a result. Apart from not being able to sit on a chair, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I could only rest, and thanking Netflix for “Elementary”

An interesting side effect of the massage was the impact on my mind. So many memories were held in the firm grips of my muscles and when they were forced to let go I was flooded by all kind of emotions.

Thanks to the treatment the pain in my back and my arms faded away, and I could move again more easily, but now the problem was my mind. So many dark thoughts from my past had turned up to the surface again. I sensed it wasn’t really my current status but never the less the darkness was clouding my view.

I realized it when I stood at my easel with a painting I thought would be a house in a garden with a forest by the sea:


I woke up, “what am I doing?”

I’ve learned about alchemy of the mind. You can do that with nightmares for instance. You turn the events from what you think is bad to what you think is good.

I looked around me for other colors:


I felt a whole lot better.

But still I knew I could not walk around like this. I had studies I wanted to start with. A family I wanted to be with. One morning when things were really bad I texted a friend, asked if she could send me healing, she has a really good way with that, she asked me to come over in person. In her healing room, with the candle lit, things were set right again. Afterwards I could feel happy again.

I’m telling this story in case anyone could benefit from it. The struggle with depression is a really hard one. I’m truly grateful for each day that passes without those clouds. Only someone who’s been there could possibly know how hard it is.

Thanks to this experience I believe I have started another kind of healing, on a deeper level. There are things we are better off to let go of, but the process could be difficult and we are very wise to get help when we need it. Some things are actually too hard to do on our own.

When your mind tells you that you need help, you could also very well get the answer from within about who to reach out to, trust that first thought about a person, a friend, a relative you believe in and feel comfortable with and send them a message. Or if it is better for you to seek professional help.

And always remember:

You are very loved!



I thought about changes, transformations.

A lot has changed during the months I haven’t been writing here.

Interesting changes. Liberating.

I have come to learn how changes may heal, how healing helps us to grow, how growing helps us to live.

I am grateful to life for leading me to where I am supposed to be.

So I have changed theme of the page, again, (I really enjoy doing that). I have a million things and thoughts I want to share here.  I have lost my passion for photographing (for now at least) and replaced it with painting and sketching. And I recalled a poem about transformation I wrote some time ago, but I called it Reshapings then:

The coffee is good
strong and hot
I don’t always
feel strong
and not always
hot any more

life changes
with time
new passages
old wounds
some things
some things

I follow along
in life
enjoying my
my day
people I meet
my thoughts of joy
this is the plan
for my stay

all is forgiven
when life passes
broken body
unhurt again
unsettled mind
finding peace
life IS
a beautiful
to be


I would really love to see us all helping each other to find the best way to live together. Reaching out to see and listen to those who are lonely and don’t find the lights in life. Using our own light, our experiences and our tools to help. Every glimmer of hope counts.

I wish you a light and bright day today



Writing slow

bok o ljus

Today I received a mail from The Write Practiceit inspired me.

One of the ideas in the descriptions of cures for  The Monster That Lives in Every Writer’s Heart is:

Writing slow

So I started.

Writing slow. I love to see the words flow smoothly on the paper. The ink coloring the white in fascinating swirls and lines, combined in an eternal diversity. Like the human mind. Writing is for humans. My writing is for me, for spreading the love I feel in my heart out in the reality, out from my system into the bigger sphere, of which I also am a part. As I keep the words inside my own body they can never reach others for help and benefit. As I reach out to comfort others I also reach out to my inner self. To dissolve a mass of emotions being untangled by each word stated on paper through my arm, hand, fingers. I thank life for this enormous possibility.

I can understand fear of words. Words help, to heal each other, but words also hurt. They can hurt so much life feels completely out of reach and as if your heart will never breathe again. (What if only we existed) And wounds raise fear, fear raises anger. Many people live with anger inside every day. That is the sadness of our race. Living with anger against all words is a very sad life. Trying to release anger from our life is a very rewarding strategy. Each one of us can work with helping ourselves, finding a word that spread a sense of love inside instead of fear and anger. One word is all it takes. But it might also take a lot of courage to search for that word. So many words are loaded, they mean good for someone but bad for somebody else. Each one must search for their special words.

When we start finding peace inside ourselves we can also start giving peace through our words to others. That is rewarding to all mankind.

This proverb has followed me for a very long time, the wisdom is without doubt. It is written a very long time ago, translated from Chinese and the author is unknown (to us):

If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.

If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.

If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.

If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.

I truly wish you will find beauty in your life today.




The Blue state of mind


The Blue State of Mind

Now I’ll try to put into words something I’ve wanted to write about for a long time.

So many of us are touching this subject of living in a stage of mind visualized by different shades of blue that very easily turns black.

So many of us are touched by the pain and sorrow and suffering from the hurt inside that with a wide expression is called depression.

Not only the person with the overwhelming heaviness inside is affected but also the people surrounding that person. Not knowing how to help and sometimes not even knowing their loved one is hurting because this is a stage we tend to hide from others, if possible. Or if it is not possible, we try to hide ourselves.

I found help in writing this piece from a dear friend who lost a brother from this black disease, her grief is deep and she misses him every day. Together we are urged to help others to prevent the darkness to be overwhelming. She has captured her thoughts in a beautiful art and poem to read, just click at:

Kath Unsworth 

It’s with my strongest conviction I want us to unfold the silence and embarrassment concerning this burden. That we let go of old prejudices and try to help anyone affected by the consequences and work towards healing the inside.

Sometimes belonging to a religion may help you find ways to be uplifted, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way there is no easy way out of the stage that has turned from blue to black.

Now is the time to stop hurting those who are hurt by making them feel ashamed.

Now is the time to start talking openly about these moments of hopelessness that could strike anybody at any time.

This is a stage of body and mind just as physical as diabetes or cancer or any other serious illness and clearly must be taken equally serious. Important research is being made at many hospitals and universities to find answers and relief to affected. Clear evidence exists of physical activities in the body affecting us with these stages. And from that research remedies are being made.

It is clearly also helping to find counselling to help get into balance. There is absolutely no shame in doing that.

As an observer of someone suffering from depression we are not expected to solve heir problem, what we could do is participate, mostly just listen.

As being the one suffering we might need to learn to accept it as our companion. We learn to search a light in the darkness. Even the tiniest light is medicine for our soul. It could be anything; a word, a song, a painting, a photograph. Holding on to that flicker of hope our body is helping us with.

When we are feeling better we are much better off if we learn to accept it. To notice the signs when the mood is lurking in on us and then do the things we know is good for us. Talk to a really good friend, do some exercise we like, get some really good massage, listen to an uplifting meditation, take a detour to a new place to find new experiences, get needed rest, read a book, write a poem, write a journal, go to the forest, take photographs. There are many other ways too. Or if all else fail; allow yourself to do nothing at all and just be. Right there.

Just know it will pass. The blue mood will pass.

And we will be in balance once more.

When we are feeling good is the time to think about what we need to feel good, to build us up, to prepare ourselves, to making the best out of our life.

Do you feel there is a shame in feeling this way, so you try to hide your sadness from others?
Feeling guilt or being ashamed gives us an even heavier burden than the one we are already carrying.

This important subject concerns us all. My thoughts around this comes from my experiences and I also needed to hear the words of wisdom from my dear friend Kath. Finding friends is a very helpful and joyful way of living life. You are not alone. There is someone out there who will be your human companion.

We live in a time when we really need each other.

At the end of this text I send you a fantastic video made by Matthew Johnstone for the WHO who explains this completely, watching it really makes my words unnecessary, but nevertheless I wanted to write them to you because we could help each other open a dialogue. Please watch the video, it’s very important!

There is so much more needed to say about this. There is not enough room in this one post. But if you want to I’ll come back with more.

Please feel free to comment anything you like to share concerning this matter.

I send you my love and peace