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The way things turns out may surprise us, but we learn to know that nothing is ever certain.

We believe our life is turning out in a specific way and so the next thing we know the plans have turned exactly upside down.

This may happen with life overwhelming acts or just an everyday occurrence.

When it happens to me I feel completely shaken, in body and mind.

I need to turn away from everything and be alone and lick my wounds.

At first I ban myself for being so weak, letting my confidence drain to the bottom (again) being surprised for reacting physically finding a body that hardly can move.

So now I am a shell again, I think. Need to start building myself up from the bottom all over.

I skim through the Internet. I watch quotes about answers to life, at first watching without seeing. Then a word or a sentence actually reaches me deep inside. And I can feel the stir of something waking up. I am happy someone has found the right words to show me when I needed it.

But I wanted to be the person who encourages others! Why do I repeatedly find myself mentally grasping for air?

There must be a reason.

I have been told we come here to learn.

So I am obviously learning something.

I am learning to respect myself. I am me, and that is good enough! 

(I need to repeat this to myself over and over, and sometimes I feel the truth in it)

And I know we are supposed to help others.

So by recognizing my reactions, with body and mind, to emotions I can help others with compassion and support because I know what they are experiencing?

That could definitely be a Life Purpose for me. That would give meaning.

But everybody else seem so well put together, cheerful. Not falling down in dark pits like me. Or? Maybe you are out there covering your mind with a happy face? I used to do that. Rushing away from painful situations having the excuse of a busy life. Taking some pill for cheering up.  Because acting ‘not normal’ is just not possible in a life where we are constantly watched for signs of oddity.

Now my body needs to deal with my emotions. There is no place to hide from myself, so I need to endure what is happening. And frankly, come to think of it, I believe it is good.

Because every time it happens I come out of it stronger, and bring with me new wisdom I can use. When I am in touch with my inner self I find clues to who I really am. It is liberating.

I am beginning to realize I need to accept that this is who I am. I do not need to be in any other way. I will continue to learn and grow in spirit. For each step I go I will be a wiser person, if I simply follow my own pace.

Maybe we need to encourage each other in this life embracing quest of finding peace in our inner self.

If someone lowers their guard and dares to show a vulnerable soul, we should cheer him on.

If you need to talk about the hurt you feel inside, I would listen.

 

Have you started to find out things about yourself that you have learned to accept?

Has that acceptance made you respect yourself and helping you feel more at peace?

 

You can answer these questions to yourself only, or feel free to share it in the comments.

 

I am sending you my wishes for peace and love

Lotta

 

 

 

 

8 thoughts on “Upside – Down

  1. Yes, Lotta. I have been finding things out about myself. I’ve often described my life as a boat that when I do good in one area my boat starts tipping the other direction. Then I see I’ve neglected that area of my boat and I rush over there to balance the ship. Then another area starts tipping. I read some books and did some research and found that I wasn’t alone. Now I am beginning to see that maybe my life doesn’t necessarily need balance. Maybe I can just learn to be happy riding the waves in this topsy turvy boat.

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  2. Thank you for your wishes of peace and love, Lotta, I receive them with a grateful heart. I can only say, I am sure the difficulties and times of sorrow you go through make you so kind and compassionate, so that you can empathize with other people. God is refining you like silver, and it shows through in your writing.

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  3. Hey Lotta, we all have ups and downs in life and the trick is to recognise that no one has it all going on, we all ride that roller coaster of good and bad days. Your words are a comfort to many, we are after all only human beings struggling to survive the journey, together we can make it less painful. Wishing you good energy.

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