Yesterday something broke inside of me.
I was yelled at by a person close to me. I was told with hard, loud words that I had done something wrong. I didn’t really agree that I had been wrong, but I didn’t interrupt and tried to think about the words being said, maybe I had been wrong, maybe this person was right. And because I feel love for this person I wanted the words to be a relief for the suppressed feelings inside that human.
Afterwards my mind was not in this world anymore. I was in a big, black limbo with no way out. I was surrounded by cold, empty darkness that made me feel completely lonely and every effort I’ve ever made of working and doing the good seemed useless.
I went to bed, felt no use in setting the alarm early because there was no flame inside of me anymore wanting to write about the good in life, my light was broken, almost dead. But I asked someone inside of me to wake me up early if I was supposed to do the writing I do in the early mornings.
I woke up before the alarm. I knew the instant I was awake that I am supposed to be up and sit by my candle with the coffee and write my journal, my precious moment.
My journal today happened to be about the Ego.
My reactions from last night came from the feeling; I have failed to show the people around me that I am good enough just by being me. But then if I use the phrase I failed there is a also a wish for I succeed. In both cases “I” is the main figure and it also indicate a difference in grade, fail is bad, succeed is good.
So what if we exclude thinking of “I”. It is difficult, it is part of the imprint from birth in the society. What if we take a moment and imagine what it would be like if we never had heard of the word “I”………
Interesting, I thought of a lot of problems in this world that would have been avoided without “I”.
So by avoiding “I”, there was no real problem yesterday. Today will go on just being “we” and the darkness evaporates and the light shines through!
Somehow when you feel the light inside you become so small you are afraid it will die, find something, just any tiny thing, that will help you gain strength to go on.
You are much needed in this world! You are very important!